There’s no magic formula that makes it go away suddenly. Teaching a two-year-old to listen is hard because children are experiencing the greatest brain development of their life. You’re letting him know why he needs to do what you asked him to. While I don’t have the experience that you have, what I’ve learned is that we truly can’t change other people. Tell your stubborn four-year-old child that she has to be in bed by 9pm, and all you will get from them is a loud “No!”. If I say I’ll take the toys away if she doesn’t put them away. Battle your 3-year-old over every bad behavior and you'll be at war all day. And take a look at these articles on the blog, all about sibling rivalry, which I hope can help too: https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2015/07/20/how-to-stop-siblings-from-fighting/ She is not phased by any of my discipline ideas. Kids feel better when they know they have been heard, so whenever possible, repeat your child's concerns. A better approach: "If you move your trike out to the porch, it won't get kicked and scratched so much.". Frustrated when your child disobeys on purpose? I’d be pretty mad too if I were you. Trying to control that impulse has been a real struggle for the last several years. While you may not win short-term favor, you’re gaining his trust when you follow through consistently. You can check it out here: https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2015/07/24/clean-up-after-themselves/. And second, offer a choice between two parent-approved options, either of which you’re okay with. Parents often try to reason with children when they're in the throes of a temper tantrum, repeating, "Calm down, calm down. Help in Ohio. But he does not eat properly at home and we have to feed him. Have dinner at the same time every night so you don’t even have to “nag” them to come. Explain your rules. All those moments of positive reinforcement are much more effective in the long run. Don’t shout or scream at your children, they are not your punchbags, often its because parents are tired, frustrated or not in the mood to look after children. And if you “lose” the argument, you either let them get their way, or you force them to comply and you become the “mean mom” anyway. I’ve also done what you suggested about giving them a choice between a “fun” option and a not so fun one. It sounds like the first thing to do is to put your foot down and hold your ground, making sure to follow through with what you said you would. However, now that the kids are older I do not take “not listening” they are big enough to know I mean what I say, and they need to listen. Caring for a baby with a wet or dry cough? These are great tips, even for big kids. Often, we assume that our kids’ problems are ours as well, but take a step back and see if this problem truly does affect you, and if not, let them figure it out or deal with it on their own. These are great suggestions. Finally, make sure your tone and words do not imply that you no longer love your child. It’s tough! I said I will give her toys away she even suggested the boys name whom I should give!! He REALLY thinks its funny to dive for the edge of the bed. When your 3- or 4-year-old doesn't comply with a request you've made, what he's saying, in essence, is, "I don't like your rules." The trick is two-part. You can always grab your cup and fill it yourself if you prefer.”. And I don’t recommend the “let me do that to you” bit (e.g. She knows that !! As far as crying over the simplest things, I like to say, “Don’t bite the bait.” Meaning, this is THEIR problem, not yours. As far as his speech, it’s totally understandable that he would cry if he can’t communicate something, especially when he knows exactly what to say but can’t say it just yet. When your … The trouble has trickled to the youngest grades. I’m even the youngest haha. Sometimes he is good about helping pick up his toys and clean up, but other times he refuses too and throws a tantrum. I just know he’s gonna be a stomper, and that will be it for me. Although it may be tempting to add more punishments to a child who is stubborn and never seems to listen, in most cases, it’s never effective. They often don’t care as long as they get their way. Avoid “asking” the instruction or negotiating when you can’t. I’m going to share this with my peeps tomorrow. I just added a “printer friendly” button you can click It’s on the right side on the page, right below the social media share buttons. Of course, there’s no guarantee either way though If you signed up for my guide, there are a few techniques in there that are helpful for the little ones too. It’s hipocritical. I don’t agree with spanking to explain that we don’t hurt people. Hi Katlin! Thanks so much for your kind words, Jeniece! Why?? My son is 1, but I know he understands more than most people think. It’s a new way of thinking about discipline, isn’t it? Deliberately tries to keep his nonverbal brother from learning to talk. We’re the same—I was never around kids before my own. I hope you can help. Instead, we just keep parenting with empathy and trying to catch them when they behave and generally giving them the guidance they need when they’re going through a rough spell. nothing works. You see, most people think of discipline as punishment or time outs—the consequences that happen when children don’t do as they’re told. Nothing that we have tried seems to help. What if you were in public, or had company over and your child threw things at another person? Then if need be, distract him with a new-ish item, like a toy he hasn’t seen in a while, or singing a song, talking to him, asking him questions. Great tips, Nina! Do not ask them “If they would like to…” or “Can they please…” A defiant child will almost always refuse on principle instead give them firm direction like “You, need to move please.” Or “Close that.” When they still refuse I say “You need to listen to Mom,” followed by the direction, until it is obeyed, an outright refusal warrents a time out. He never does but at least it does frame the situation differently. I can definitely understand the frustration of your child doing the same thing after you had just asked her not to. I have a child in my class that does not listen to me most of the time. And it’s very heartbreaking. My son just turned 3 years old and i'm not sure how to discipline him. Instead, be sure your teen knows the non-negotiable family rules. What new habits, values and consequences can he learn from this challenging behavior? xo, Nina, I am a grandmother of a 2 1/2 year old boy whom I’ve been taking care of totally for the last 6 months. I am running out of ideas. Picture a little league WWF match with two six-year-olds and a two-year-old who is confident enough in her she-hulk abilities to dive right into the mix. Giving choices and warnings usually does the trick, but at bedtime it usually gets at a more extreme when he’s trying to avoid bedtime! He continued playing with the cars, as if he didn’t hear me. He might behave one moment, only to deliberately disobey once again. I know ours had recommended speech therapy when my son wasn’t saying enough words yet at a certain age, and it’s easier to “fix” the problem the younger you start. I’d also make sure that you’re calm to begin with and don’t lose your temper when he starts acting up, as he’ll pick up on it and retaliate with even more resistance. Keep your tone lighthearted and calm instead of bossy and “mean.” He won’t drag his misbehavior and sour mood even further when you’re willing to pick your battles. A grandmother to 8. Deep down, kids want to please their parents. Try to tie it in with his actions as much as possible. So, without getting upset (hard, I know! Exactly, Kay! Getting down to their level and following through on your word is key. It’s saying one thing but doing the other. One of the biggest discipline issues parents have to handle is how to deal with a child who's talking back to them. Curious which baby names stole the show this year? For instance, you might tell your toddler, “You never listen to what I say,” or “You always misbehave.” These phrases not only label him instead of the action, they’re also untrue (he doesn’t always behave this way, 24/7). I know it took a lot of introspection for me to keep my cool! Well said, Gina. Go further and you might see that he was trying to fix a toy right when you asked him to come to the table to eat. Yes, it takes a lot of self control, yes, it would be nicer if they were robots and just obeyed instantly. And keeping your word reinforces the trust he places on you. Tell your adamant five-year-old child to buy a toy you chose, and they will NOT want that. But we do t know what else to do. I still ask “why” I feel there has to be a reason or at least I want to give the kids an opportunity to explain themselves. Know that you’re definitely not alone. The good news is, this is very normal for this age so it doesn’t guarantee that your 2-year-old will turn into a strong-willed child. I wrote a post about getting kids to clean up after themselves. How can I go about printing this and some of your other posts off as references for parents? I do praise when the kids do what is asked of them Great post, Nina! I said yes it’s very kind of her do we will ask the child to give back if she will listen mummy!! I promise, with the correct actions, it will only take a couple of days before this is no longer an issue and your child will have more respect for you as well as a sense of security because he knows where the lines are drawn. Point that out and say, “You’re so kind—you made your brother happy when you shared the blocks with him.” Or give him a high-five after he puts his dishes in the sink, all without you asking. Instead, act like you’ve got this under control, that they can’t pull one over you. Instead of saying, "You're so selfish that you won't even share your toys with your best friend," try "I like it better when I see kids sharing their toys." She reassured me though that especially between 15-months and 24-months, toddlers are developing a sense of space and particularly don’t like to be handled, including for diaper changes, which he was also resisting at home. My usual response then? He's still too young to understand those things. Simply taking the child out of the seat and making them wait awhile before being allowed to finish their meal is usually effective. Thank you for your wonderful article! Turns out, people are more likely to comply when we have a reason. Praise him and say, “Look at you walking!”. Do you have suggestions about what I should do, or any new discipline ideas that I can use. You might say, “We’re going to grandma’s. The less you reward any negative behavior with attention, the less your child will use that behavior to get her way. You might also resort to unfair generalizations. Thanks! he thinks its funny to turn his bottle upside down and let the milk drip out onto himself, the table, his shoes, whatever. Baby behaviors that might seem like stubbornness or even naughtiness are actually their natural processes of learning about cause and effect. So not sure what else to do I left her room and tried to find some info how else I could teach my toddler respect me and listen!! The best way to counter misbehavior is to praise your toddler and give him attention when he is behaving. That means when they’re laying it all out there, you are looking at them and attentive. Children thrive on consistency and need guidance to see things through at this young age. Then what do you do next? Maybe you’ve pleaded with your toddler, whether it’s to take a bath, to behave, or to finish some chore. Hi Nikki! Let me know how it goes. Explaining the reason works wonders with my kids, as does giving them something positive they can do instead. I have a friend that said he is doing it for attention, but i am a stay at home mom and he’s an only child so far; so he has my attention all day. What You Need to Do, https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2015/07/24/clean-up-after-themselves/, https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2016/11/30/children-biting/, https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2017/05/26/authoritative-parenting-techniques/, https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2017/06/26/late-talkers/, https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2015/07/20/how-to-stop-siblings-from-fighting/, https://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2018/09/06/sibling-rivalry-solutions/. Oct 3, 2019 - Frustrated when your child disobeys on purpose or pushes your buttons? I would actually reach out to his pediatrician so he or she can recommend local resources you might benefit from. "Where do you want to start?" Just to be clear, a two-year-old not listening is not because a two-year-old is terrible. Learn how to discipline a toddler who doesn't listen and nurture cooperation instead. They’re built on talking and listening, and they guide children towards: ... For example, if your eight-year-old hasn’t done his household chores, the consequence might be the loss of pocket money for the week. How? From new classics like Noah to tried-and-true faves like Ava, here are the top boy and girl names of the year so far, plus more naming trends to consider. I’m not criticizing I’m genuinely asking. Question: Hi! Use your knowledge of your child to head off needless blowups. If that happened, you'd have to think about what might be wrong with her! Motherhood is so very challenging, so glad we are all in it together to help each other! In those cases, you’ll need to rely on these 7 age-appropriate discipline tips for the 3-year-old in your life. Kids also absolutely need to hear “no” and other boundaries as well! Explain why, and even give parent-approved choices of how to do so. I’m so tired to trying that I’m at the point where I just don’t care anymore. Great article Nina! He is a baby and doesn’t realise he is hurting others pulling their hair or realise he could get hurt. I would like some new ideas. I am no expert just a mama trying to understand? There’s no magic bullet—we’re all human and prone to bad days, including kids. We have talked and he said he was very jealous of his non verbal brother and that he doesn’t want his brother to ever talk so he deliberately tries to sabotage everything that we and his speech therapist has been working hard to do. Rotate toys, keeping out only a limited number, and have clearly marked places for them to be put away. Are we supposed to then tell him no hitting while we are doing the same? – Set your child up to succeed. That's its policy." What to do! “That means you have to stop and put those cars back in the box.”. I find myself just saying ‘No!’ constantly and running around crazy trying to get them to listen. Keeping a positive mindset yourself may be the most important thing you can do to encourage good behavior. You’r missing an opportunity here. Let them see you treating your own things with respect, and their toys as well. If your child tends to be happy and energetic in the morning but is tired and grumpy after lunch, schedule trips to the store and visits to the doctor for when she's at her best. Remember, you don’t want to be so punitive that your child simply gives up. As hard as it is and however much she gets upset, know that she would rather have someone who loves her enough to set these boundaries than someone who doesn’t. I have been having a problem tho with certain things that no matter what I do, nothing is helping! It’s one the ways kids deliberately disobey their parents and shouldn’t be tolerated. Later, you feel terrible when you realize how petty the initial “argument” had been: talking when he should’ve been napping, refusing to clean up after himself, not coming to the bathroom like you asked him to. After all, discipline is teaching kids how to behave, not just the ‘punishment’ or the consequences. I grew up in the days of “where you did it is where you got it” and “don’t embarrass me, because I will embarrass you.”. Nice to meet you too! Think of it as her problem, not yours—don’t make it your problem or take it personally. What happens when he hits/flicks/swats his peers at daycare or play dates? You are doing a great job for even trying so many things to see what works. I hate yelling, though it’s in my nature. In fact,I do believe it may be getting worse! Hi, I'm Nina! Have you ever told your toddler he’d better behave or else [fill in the blank]? Connect with him as often as possible when he is behaving so that he knows this is the behavior you support. I’m waiting on him to start walking better. Thanks again! And I won’t have that! In fact, discipline and discipline strategies are positive. If she refuses to clean up her toys and you said that means she’s not responsible enough yet to take care of them and will remove them, then you need to remove them and put them away where she can’t get them for, say, the rest of the day. It looks like he’s having fun and you want to do the same thing.” Only then did he move after I had acknowledged his underlying intentions. Thanks, Nicole! We have tried talking to him, tried spending more time with him,tried taking away prized possessions, tried time out, we have tried firm calm reminders during the day and absolutely nothing works. Does what you’re arguing about truly matter, especially in the long run? Respecting us,is an issue with my 2 1/2 yr old. Praise your toddler when he does what he’s asked to, He’ll respond better to positive language, Top 10 Toddler Discipline Books to Get Your Child to Listen, A Better but Not Always Easier Alternative to Timeouts, Your Cheat Sheet Guide to Handling Tantrums, Toddler Acting Out at Daycare? “Uh-huh…” as I feign listening to their stories. Read the tips below or watch the video, which parents say are helpful: Seeing the situation from your toddler’s point of view can take a literal meaning. One of the simplest ways to better communicate is to get down to his eye level when you speak to him. Or maybe he does because he laughs when you correct him. You can't hope to have any influence if your kid doesn't enjoy being with you. Completely agree 100% with absolutely everything here. A teacher wouldn’t try to “win” or best the student, she wants the student to succeed and will help her do that. I feel there’s usually a reason for an action. I hope these tips will help in some way! Do you have any suggestions for what to do if you have three children and one won’t clean up? This is also the second article I two days that I’ve read that talks about empathy and validation, I think it’s a sign lol! I have 4mth old twin girls, So they’re not quite there yet. If they want water right away, you can almost shrug your shoulders and say, “Hm, that’s too bad you feel that way. Toddlers can be set off by anything from a frustrating game to a playmate who won’t share toys. If he likes to clean out the kitchen cupboards while you're cooking breakfast every morning-and it drives you crazy-buy cabinet locks; if he can't keep his hands off the VCR, put it far out of reach. Your email address will not be published. Thank you for the advice about “finding your toddlers intentions.” I’ll be implementing that into my parenting! Biting back, for example, is not a logical consequence for a child who bites because it simply teaches that the bigger person gets to bite. Discipline with the intention of helping him learn from the experience—even as he sits and smiles, refusing to place the toy cars back in the box. They want our approval and are crushed when we’re disappointed or angry with them. Sometimes you worry your child’s behavior sets a bad example for his siblings, and it’s easy … Help Then I would correct the behavior, showing different ways to say the same thing without hitting or getting upset. 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